New day..

Saturday, October 08, 2011

20:24

I'm sooooo TIRED! Flip I don't know where I get the strength to do what I do sometimes. It's been a crazy week and it only gets crazier the more into October I get. Aiko's been really quiet today. Haven't felt her move since last night. It was really crazy how much she moved last night. She managed to give me some really bad cramps that I managed to wake up sometime in the middle of the night. Freaked me out majorly and I wasn't sure what to do. I eventually managed to go back to sleep but when I woke up this morning she was pretty quiet… wait.. I can feel her now. I feel her a little bit. There she goes moving again.

I was asked yesterday what it feels like to feel her move inside me but I can't really describe it. It's another feeling all together. It really makes you appreciate the wonders of God in the world around you. All I can describe it as is feeling her pushing out gently. Except of course when she turns and pops her head out. That looks funny because all you see is my tummy and the small round bulge of her head popping out.. That one feels really uncomfortable ESPECIALLY when I'm walking.

Anyway aside from being terminally exhausted right now, I guess I'm succeeding on upgrading my emotional level from ok to alright. I'm somewhere in the middle but I'll reach there sometime. I think all the craziness I've been surrounded by(Palesa, Thandi, Danmore and the like) has helped me forget. I now sometimes go a whole day without thinking bout him. Today being one of them. Love being able to laugh. That's the best therapy.

If a woman has a wall up it's because it was built; brick by brick- lie by lie-heartbreak after heartbreak. How true is that?! Read that earlier today and it really made me think. Think bout all the walls I've built with everyone. The truth of the matter is all those walls now lay in ruins and not because they were broken down by me. I've come to realise that having my defenses down has left me vulnerable in ways I've never known. This entire situation has somehow enabled me to grow and grow in ways I've never really known. I'm able to finally express me as only I can and not worry bout what people will think or say. I'm the only one that should have an opinion that really matters.

Life is a big enough challenge without having to worry bout what people think or say bout you. If many more people realised that then their lives wouldn't have to be so hard for them… Think bout it..