PLEDGE

Monday, March 17, 2014

10:35 AM

I got this pledge from a friend of mine a while ago and I just added a few more lines but this is the pledge I made to myself. I feel everyone should make this pledge because it is amazing how the view of yourself can change when you take a few small steps to changing them.

PLEDGE

I, Melissa Boguo, vow to open up my life. I built walls to protect me instead they imprisoned me. Now I bring them down. This is my pledge to say "Yes" to life.

I pledge to be gentle with myself. To love, accept and forgive myself, over and over again, all the days of my life. Akin to the beautiful flower which grows out of mud, I vow to seek the gems in "bad" experiences and thus free myself of regrets.

The allure of perfection shall not intimidate me or hinder my growth since I vow to love myself with the same intensity through hits and misses.

I vow to stop entertaining these 2 questions:

1. What is wrong with me?
2. Who is going to save me?

They lead me away from the truth. There is nothing wrong with me. There never was and never shall be. Consequently, I do not require a savior. Henceforth, I promise to make choice that are reflective of this truth.

I vow to trust myself; to value my personal truth over the truth of others. I know better what is best for me. I pledge to appreciate my personal experience, valuing its lessons above the expectations and prescriptions of others.

I vow to give my feelings and intuition the same credence I give my intellect. To honour the inherent validity of ALL my feelings. I give myself permission to base my decisions solely on how I feel.

With courage, I vow to feel ALL my feelings, not to block, minimize or attempt to hang on to those that have dissipated.

This promise I make to myself; to act courageously in expressing my truth, to myself and others.

I vow to accept my needs, wants, dreams and desires without judgment, whether I choose to pursue their fulfillment or not.

I vow to remain loyal to myself all the days of my life. To never choose the love, acceptance or approval of another over my own. I promise to never abandon or demote my relationship with myself for any other role.

I vow to recognize as a liar, any voice, internal or external, that tells me I am inferior or superior to another.

I vow to never ask another for that which I am not giving myself. I take responsibility for meeting my own needs, even as I enlist the support and help of others and learn to achieve a balance between independence and interdependence.

I vow to heal my relationship with my body. To remember that my body is much more than a set of measurements. It is a vital conduit for my physical experience, a guardian and a teacher. I vow to love and nurture my body; to befriend, honour  and respect it and listen to its wisdom all the days of my life.

I intend to remember that I am a creative being, who imagines her reality into being and behave accordingly, giving my powers of co-creation the respect that they deserve. I will nurture and regularly express my creative impulses.

I promise to embrace and celebrate my femininity. To be curious about it's gifts. To explore feminine gentleness, creativity and intuition. To love my woman body, it's softness, curves and receptivity.

I vow to give the true God the glory at all times through all I say and do. Knowing that it is only because He is that I am. Through good times, bad times, and stagnant times, I promise to always look to him. I  will appreciate all the beauty He has surrounded me with, be it in myself or the world around me.

I vow to strive to love wholeheartedly despite what anyone may do to me. I promise to eliminate all negative thoughts, habits that hinder my progress or happiness. No one is responsible for achieving my goals but me.

I vow to work towards true enlightenment revoking anything that promotes ignorance in me or others.

ALL IN ALL, I MELISSA, Pledge to value myself, respecting my body, needs, desire and honouring my body, mind, emotions and spirit.

I WILL live my best life.

This is it

This is my life

Nothing to wait for,

Nowhere else to go

No one  to make it all different

THIS IS IT!

Loneliness

Monday, March 17, 2014

6:30 AM

So here I am lying wide awake in bed and I don't understand why my brain won't just switch back off and send me back to dreamland like my daughter here having sweet dreams. Whhhhhyyyyyy???!!!! *Dramatic screaming at the world in my head* I really just want to be in a state of sweet nothingness but I can't.

So here I am, Hillsong (The Young & Free Album is amazing might I add. Just what I need) playing on my earphones while I write this now. Sometimes my writing gaps are too big. Note to self: Sort that out!

So my reason for being awake right now. I didn't realize how lonely it can be being me sometimes. Yesterday made that apparently too clear for me. As it stands, I feel so very, very awkward around couples but then again, I don't have men falling at my feet and I'm ok with that( made my peace with being who I am a long time ago so that doesn't bother me anymore). I thought I was ok with being on my own until the events of this past weekend changed all that for me.

I won't delve into the events but being a single mother is another level of God strength, I'm slowly starting to become accustomed to but sometimes it's a terribly lonely road. I'm not sure when or if it will change but I just have to hang in there.

One thing I know though, is that this is a moment of weakness. And when I am weak, He is strong. I just got to keep my head up and accept this as part of my moulding. Through all this, God is getting me to a place I need to be. I have to believe that there is a greater plan at work here for my life.

The feelings will come and go but when they do come as they did this morning, I must feel them and write.

Peace and love

Celebrate

Do you ever celebrate you? And I'm not talking when you do something great and make yourself proud but even when you're at your lowest? Celebration is not hard. You need to make it a habit and not just on certain occasions.

Celebrate God, celebrate every waking moment you have. Make your life the best not for others but for yourself. Imagine your life was a movie and when it's time to play it back, what do you want others to see in your life movie?

I know it's not easy to do and I'm not saying I've even gotten it right. In fact I'm such a work in progress I should walk around with a sign. But it excites me to celebrate because God has given me talent, beauty and such amazing uniqueness that celebration should always be oozing out of me!

The dictionary defines celebration as honouring or praising publicly! No matter what anyone says, your life should be a celebration. So you must be wondering, how do you celebrate yourself, life? The key is LOVE. Love is not just a word. It is a doing word. Love is physical action. You cannot say you love yourself/life and not do anything about it. That's not love. That's just an empty word.

Celebration/praise/gratitude is born from love. Love is action. Happiness is born from celebration. An amazing life is born from total and complete happiness. Happiness that's so infectious, people want to be around you just so that they can have you rub off on them.

Celebrate your life, you only have one. Celebrate the people that have been placed in your life because whether you choose to accept it or not, there's a reason why they are there in the first place. There's something profoundly inspiring about your story to someone. You went through something so that someone could find the courage to face their own situation. Nothing is a mistake about what you're going through or have been through.

Maybe it's time to discover what life can be like with so much love in it, you can't help but overflow. This world has become so full of negative feelings, that maybe it's time for your light to shine. This dark place needs some light and that can only happen if you find that very light in yourself and embrace it.

Give God that space to work in you. You'll be surprised what happens when you begin that journey to finding happiness, celebration and  LOVE!

Try it

Ta 

Back Again!

New year. New posts. Guess who's baaaccckkkkk???!!!

It's been a really long time since I posted up anything and I have been receiving request to update so here it is.

The primary intention when I had started this blog was to release and heal. It ended up doing a whole lot more for  me than that as I was able to be honest in a way I wasn't when talking to friends. A lot has changed since then, especially me.

I don't expect anyone to understand or even care about anything I say but I will thank you in advance for taking the time to read anything I post.

So first major thing that has changed I  my life is the fact that I don't talk to A* anymore. Not at all. Not even interested for phased by it. I guess I knew it would happen and now that it has, I'm ok with it. Life moves on. I wish him all the best in life and with his family. I occasionally find myself saying a little prayer for him but that's usually where it stops. I don't want to waste  energy on things that are not positive in my life.

Major change #2 is that I don't believe God exists. I KNOW He does. I've been on a journey of discovery that has catapulted me in a realm of finding knowledge. My brother introduced me to a series online that has absolutely opened my eyes to God's majesty. I'm not at the stage of some of the featured people in those video's but I'm enjoying the journey I'm on.

Guess what?! I knit and crochet now too! Yes, that's right, KNIT! I taught myself a new skill( with the help of a few tutorials of course). I love it though. It's amazing that my hands can create all these beautiful pieces. I'm proud of myself for trying it. This year I'm going to teach myself another new skill, just not too sure what yet. Any ideas?

This blog is not just about me anymore but about everything I encounter in my experience. Be it in thought, spirit or body. I want to live a positive life and so I will only speak positive.

I love God, my family and my life!

Till next time..

Ta

Firsts

19 November 2012

05:20 PM

Hi, my name is Mel and I'm crazy. *crowd replies*,"Hiiii Mel"


Lol… sorry just wanted to be random. You won't believe how much I've missed blogging! No one can say I didn't try though. It's just unbelievable when internet isn't free. so let's talk. How've you guys been?! Me?! Oh, I've been awesome. I can't tell you how much becoming a mother has changed me. I would do anything for this beautiful angel in my life. Boy has she grown! Did I mention that she's walking on her own now? Yes I said it! Aiko is fully mobile! At 9 and a half months even!


I've gotta tell you how it happened though! So Aiko started standing up at about 5 months old. Walking with support by 7 months. Crawling between 6 months and the present time and just last Friday( November 16th, 2012), she took her first unsupported steps to freedom and independence! I was both shocked and SHOCKED! Hehehehehe.. So every night before we go to sleep, Aiko and I usually spend the evening watching TV with my brothers in their room and Friday night was no different. Well, except the fact that Aiko was still up at 22h00. Anyhu, I decided that it was time for us to go to bed since TV was boring at this time and we had to be up early the next day. Seeing as my room is right next to my brothers' room, it isn't much of a distance there. As I was still talking to Guy, Aiko noticed Jean( my youngest brother) at the computer fast asleep. It wasn't him that enticed her though, it was the light from the computer. At the time, she was standing and holding onto my leg. Without warning she let go and started walking towards Jean, I turned around to look at her and thought I was dreaming because right there before my eyes was a walking 9 month old! I was like huh?! She took a few steps before falling flat ion her bum and giving herself a round of applause. It took my brain a very long time to even compute what on earth was going on! Hehehehehe.. Once I did compute, I went buck! I was so excited I ran up and down the house telling everyone what had just happened. My dad was beaming. My brothers looked like death and Aiko was just smiling at me. Lol… I didn't care though. I saw my daughter's first steps!


Ever since then all she wants to do now is walk, crawl and make as much noise as possible but I don't care. She's put me on a high that no one can take me down from for a while! I love it!

COMEBACK SEASON

07 September 2012

04:05 PM

I'M BAAAAACCK! That's right. Melissa is back and better than ever. I know, I know you guys missed me but I needed to take a hiatus and sort my life out big time. So here is the update for those who want to know and if you don't?! Well just suck it up and read dammit!

Last time any of you heard from me was in march. I was still in a bad space, not too bad but bad nonetheless but THANK GOODNESS for my daughter because she was the light at the end of my dark tunnel that I finally reached! Yay me! I am truly happier, healthier and more whole. I can't go back to who I used to be because the old me wasn't a mother. I'm loving life and life is loving me.

Last time you heard anything Aiko was only 2 months old. She's 7 months old now and she is the happiest, healthiest, loving, energetic, funny little girl. She brings so much joy to everyone here at home, that you can't help but smile. Did I mention how loud she's become?! I didn't?! Ah this child is loud. She's got so much to say and she tries to cram everything into 1 minute. My poor ears are still ringing from her screaming 3 weeks ago hehehehehe.. She also wants to start walking before she can even crawl properly. My child is so ahead of the curve that she's practically gone around the bend Lol… (Yes, I said it!). And her smile! Oh my word! Kills me every time. Lol… and sometimes she flashes it when she knows she's guilty of something. I can walk into a room, she'll look up and smile at me as if she's guilty of a crime. That cracks me up every time she does it because I check what it is she was doing.

On the other side of the spectrum, don't talk to A* much anymore. It seems we've hit that portion where he lives his life with his family and I live mine with Aiko. They don't see much of each other which I already predicted would happen a long time ago(if anyone remembers my previous posts). Don't doubt my powers of foresight. It doesn't really bother me much anymore because at least she has some males around her. They may not be her father but they're doing a great job. I doubt she even knows the difference right now except that mommy is around. Oh did I mention she's started to mouth out "mama"?! Like I'm not joking even my mother has heard her say it! It's pretty cool.

Got myself a job too. Saving up to go back to school next year. Going to study linguistics. My aunt believes that's where I should be and I don't doubt the woman because she earns a living in career counselling. Going to use my salary to pay for school seeing as the fees at UNISA are not going to drive me into crazy debt. I'm so excited that I'll be studying and it will be easier seeing as Aiko will be a proper little toddler next year. I'll be enrolling her into a crèche so at least she can start making friends and start playing with other children her age. Didn't think I'd be so excited to see my child going to school but it is another phase I must prepare myself for. AHHHHHHHH I LOVE MY KID!

Soon I'll be marking a year since the whole break up happened and the truth came out and when I think about how I was a year ago(a true emotional wreck) and how I am now, I'm grateful for what happened because it has made me a stronger person than I thought I could ever be. There were times when I thought I really couldn't make it but through prayer and the support of my family and friends, I am here today. And not just them I should thank everyone else also in my life who gave me words of encouragement or just took the time to read my blog. Thank you. It's been an absolute rollercoaster but it's one I guess I had to be on. It's a few days until my birthday and I'm excited. Not only at the prospect of turning older but at the prospect that there's more for me in life. Bigger, better and greater things are coming my way so it's only up from here!

Hope you're all good. Will update soon

Over and out

22 weeks

02 July 2012

02:37 PM

Motherhood. That's all I have to say about the matter. I love every second, minute and hour I spend with my little nunukins, except when she's being difficult because then I have to exercise heavenly patience with her but I'm not complaining. The past 22 weeks have taught me so much and it's as if I'm relearning what the world is like all over again and seeing it with fresh eyes.

She's growing so fast and I'm amazed at fast time has flown by. My hart seems to have healed from all the pain too. Well phase one is complete, started phase two: moving on. There's no question that I'll always have strong feelings for the guy but I've made peace with the fact that it was all in God's plan. He knew what He was doing even when I didn't and He truly only has my best interests at heart. So I'm putting my best single mother foot forward and living my life the best way I know how, in the moment. So seeing as it's been a century since I've posted up anything I thought it was time to share some of what has been going on in the life and times of ME! Hehehe..

So I'm still single, no prospects as yet (woah people, this is not cause for alarm! You can put the pitchforks and torches down, there will be no mob justice tonight). I think I like being single. Actually, being single is the only comfort zone I've really ever known in my very short life( yes, no joke. I've been more single than I've been involved. My track record speaks for itself). I like it here. There's no stress, no romancing, no false promises, no earth-shattering kisses… well basically there's nothing here except selfless fun, or something like that.

Aiko has started teething in earnest now. It seems to be irritating her a lot and I can only imagine what she is going through. She's chewing on whatever she can reach to put into her mouth. It's cute and all until she starts crying her lungs out. Oh well, but we must go through this if we wanna see some pearly whites in that mouth of hers. We're getting there.

She did the most exciting thing yesterday! She rolled over on her own. I started screaming in such excitement that she looked at me, laughed and gave me the look saying "this woman is crazy". Lol… didn't much care, I was just sooooo proud of her. It's amazing how the little things she does get me so excited. I love it!