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11 November 2011

18:01 PM

You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have left..

I guess it's been one of those mornings again. You know the ones where you didn't really sleep the night before and you got tears in your eyes? Well I guess some don't know but yea, it was one of those mornings for me. woke up with a heavy heart and this heart really hasn't been around for a while.

I guess some wounds don't really heal as we expect or even want them to and there we are left out in the cold(well forget bout this heat) with nothing to our names but hurt, pain and tears. Quite funny when I think about it. I've never been this emotional ever in my life, like never ever! And now if feels like I really am grabbing at straws trying to find this strength inside myself that will enable me to be ok. Just ok. Not like I'm asking for world peace or anything you know(we all know that's being ambitious and delusional in this day and age).

Had a thousand and one thought running through my head and none of them were cohesive or even made any sense but I thought them nonetheless. And with every passing thought, I managed to feel worse and felt like I was going to explode. Completely just disintegrate. It's like the real me is watching the current me and all she wants to do is give the current me a big hug and tell her everything will be ok but current me can't hear her because real me is just a ghost she can't see right now. Lovely ain't it?!

But like really what would anyone do in my shoes?! Honestly think bout it. Well th good that came out of today was that I managed to finish a book today(my first completed novel in over a yea, yay!) plus I finally have a birthing partner(double yay!). At least i'm guaranteed to have someone there with me in the delivery room when the time comes. That will be one hell of an experience, just gotta get this Kegels and breathing thing on point.

Well I feel stupid for feeling like I do today but I just gotta feel the feeling in it's entirety before I can face a new day tomorrow. The feelings of today should be kept away from the promises of tomorrow. quote me on that. Tomorrow I start again. Haha I feel like an alcoholic that says that after slipping up and having a drink.. Oh well.. That's my update for today.