18:11
Time heals all wounds right?! Yes it does and I guess now I'm speaking from my own stand point. My phone did something this morning I don't remember setting it to do. It reminded me that today would have been my 17 month anniversary with Aiko's dad. Yep it would have been had we still been in a relationship. Something about that struck me as odd for some reason but I dismissed it.
Well we're on speaking terms again and to anyone looking in from the outside it would seem as if we were probably still together or something and that nothing had gone wrong between us. It almost feels that way sometimes to me too actually. I'm not sure why but whatever we had built since I met him seems to be way stronger than anything we've gone through. I guess if one ever finds someone like that and builds something like that, one should hold on to it with everything they have. I don't know how to define the relationship we have now. Don't know whether to call him a friend or not. It just doesn't feel right to define our relationship under some sort of banner anymore. It is what it is meant to be.
It's good that we can talk like we used to. I missed that a lot. Really I did. I've managed to somehow move passed everything that has happened over the last 2 or so months. I cannot change what happened but I won't allow it to hold me prisoner for the rest of my life. I mean that's what forgiveness is right?! I have more good things to look forward to in my life and I refuse to dwell on the bad. All may be forgiven and I'm trying my hardest to forget too but like I said, time is how I can do it.
It seems to be obvious that I'm still crazy about him but that too can be somehow managed. Not too sure bout everything that's on his mind though and I won't ask either. If I'm meant to know, I will. If I'm not, it won't bother me either. After all he is and will remain the father of my beautiful baby girl. She doesn't need to grow up with parents that are at each others throats all the time. She needs loving and supportive parents who are able to have a constructive relationship with each other.
I really won't try to justify my relationship with him to anyone because everyone I know wants to kill him and I don't blame them. People will think what they want to without me there and that is how life is I guess. I'm trying my hardest to make this work best for everyone involved, no matter how small your role in my life is. All I can do right now is see where this boat takes me and pray that I won't be left drowning again..
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