Rain fall down..

22 November 2011

15:39 PM

I've been thinking about this since last night and it took me a while to fall asleep because of it. Ever feel like loving someone has become a sin?! I mean like you know you should be over it or something by now but you just can't? it's as if your heart has a mind of it's own. You can't tell it what to do anymore and eventually your mind disregards what you feel. Yep… that feeling get's filed under "We will never". I don't why it still gets to me like this but it does. Well at this moment it has and I truly hate it. Like I really do. I'm tired of explaining how I feel to him because I doubt he understands or even cares anymore(what I think anyway). I know I should stay away from feeling anything but it's like just when I've run far enough, a powerful magnet just yanks me back from where I am to where I used to be.

Everyday is different and after that major set back of mine a 2 weeks ago. I got better. No actually, I got busy and forgot about it, him, and the entire screwed up situation. For once my mind was just focused on what I had to do there and then. I won't lie, there were times I caught myself thinking about him and I didn't understand why… flip I'm starting to sound like a broken record now, don't you think?! Ag every week I go through this and every week I feel the same and every week I feel like cutting my heart out my chest and finding a brand new one that doesn't have such an emotional memory and every week I fucken start again! It hurts then it doesn't then I'm neutral the whole vicious cycle starts again…

Well it's raining now… I just love the smell and sound of rain but the sad thing bout rain is now I have a memory of him attached to it. Rain isn't just rain anymore, it's something else that I can't explain. I used to believe that it rained because heaven was crying when you were sad and I lost that. But I do believe it again. Rain is heavens way of telling you that your pain is not yours alone. It's theirs too. Angels feel your pain just as much as you do. *Sigh*  here I go again with this crap. Ok moving on…

Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it but you can always see the crack in it.