Change

Monday, 27 February 2012

23:00 PM

I haven't been so close to tear sin months but tonight was just something else and I couldn't pin point exactly why. Maybe it's a culmination of the last 3 months that just got to me.

I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last 2 months and I've made up my mind on what to do from this point on. What I truly believe is best for Aiko and I in the long term. Jo'burg has been my home town for as long as I can remember. This is the place I grew up in and it is the place where I met some of the greatest people in my life and I love this place but I don't feel as if there is anything left here for me anymore. No... I know there isn't. I don't want to be a burden on my parents any longer than I should. So, making the biggest and most decision of my young adult life, I've decided to give my new family (Aiko and I) a chance to start a fresh.

A new city, a new environment and a brand new breed of people. A place away from all the pain and bad memories that Jo'burg seems to now have. I don't feel like I belong here anymore. Nothing really seems to tie me here anymore. My heart is set on cape-town. The best place for me to reinvent myself and come back a better me. I'm not saying this change is going to be an easy one seeing as I know virtually very few people in the cape, but I know it will be the right one. I would be starting from scratch.

Don't be fooled though. This is not me running away (ok, maybe in a way it is) but this is me crying out for a breath of fresh air. I truly feel like I'm suffocating being so close to him, what happened and every other damn thing that seems to have gone wrong. This is my opportunity to finally break free and say "Look world! I'm doing it on my own and I'm doing it well!". It will also give me the opportunity to wholly forgive myself for getting myself into this situation (notice how I think it's my fault). Maybe to some extent it is for not reading the signs. Ahhhhhh Mel! *kicks self* STOP IT!

If all my prep goes well, I plan to leave after my birthday. That will give me a chance to tie up any loose ends I have left here so I don't have anything hanging over my head. I know this will need some heavy, heavy prayer so do lend a knee every once in a while if you can. God will work in a mighty way. That's just how he rolls.

#Praying for miracles