Just thought...

22 February 2012

14:01 PM

I have somehow found a new respect for single mothers and the things they have to go through for their child/children. The crazy thing is Layla somehow knows that it's going to be just the 2 of us 99% of the time. I'm finding the task that I have to produce a responsible, independent, caring and loving young woman quite daunting but so far I've managed to do everything on instinct.

The more time I spend with her, the more I learn and the more I want to make sure that she gets everything she needs and wants. And it seems all she needs is me, Her mother. I truly do love her to death and seeing her cry, even now as a baby, breaks my heart because I want to make it go away and just see her smile. She has one of the most beautiful smiles I'll ever see.

So her half sister was born on Friday and I can't help but think how lucky she is to have both her parents around all the time. ok I feel stupid for even caring but how would I explain it one day to Layla when she asks?! I mean, Layla will only be afforded that privilege every other weekend throughout her life. Well not exactly. Just until I get married, then she'll definitely have 2 permanent parents in her life, even if one of them isn't her biological father. But I have to make do with what I have. I will have to assume the role of mommy and daddy at times. It's things like this that have made me appreciate the struggles and hardships of single mothers. They truly are real life superheroes.

My baby is turning 1 month old on Monday (Yay! *happy dance*). She's grown tremendously over the last month. We've somehow established a routine that works for us(everyone else would think we're crazy). I find that now she wakes up less during the night and I can catch up on proper sleep! Not much can be said for the morning though, I tend to miss breakfast( in fact just finished breakfast a few minutes ago *hides* ( ag don't judge, I can't eat lunch without breakfast. It's good culinary etiquette). I look forward to the next one. I'm taking it one day at a time and it seems to be working. Can't say much for my energy levels though. There are unpredictable as a nappy change. One minute I'm teeming with energy, the next I can't keep my eyes open. Ah but I'm not complaining.

As far as my family is concerned the help me out when they can. Nah I lie, they carry her when the want to. The rest is on me. I don’t mind though. I get very edgy when anyone but me is holding my child. I do what I need t quickly just so I can have her in my arms again. I know, I know, it seems very clingy but can you blame me?! I mean when all you do is spend time with your child, you can't exactly expect to be so quick to be at ease when she's with someone who doesn't exactly know her. Ok I'm being a tad bit dramatic.. Haha..