Nightmare...

Sunday, 11 March 2012

12:37 PM

For the first time in months, I'm angry. I mean really angry that I want to inflict some pain on a few people in my life. I guess my notion of bottling up my anger has backfired because I'm feeling something that is months (yes, MONTHS) overdue. And what makes it worse is that my anger frustrates me big time and my frustration is making me feel bitter.

I'm not sure why I'm even starting to feel a whiff of this but a small part of me is really feeling bitter, not better. It feels like I'm hanging on by a prayer and a miracle right now. One moment I'm awesome and couldn't be better. Next I'm just so withdrawn. And the fact that I'm feeling this anger with every inch of my being scares me.

I still pretend to be ok sometimes even when I'm not but I do it anyway. Don't want to answer more questions about how I feel. Makes no difference anymore. I even think my besties are tired of hearing about how I feel (I said THINK). Maybe it's my sudden hormone imbalance. Nah... That's not the reason. I only got the shot this past Wednesday. *sigh* CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF! I can't believe this at all… (….hold on Layla just woke up….)…

Instead of e becoming better, I seem to be drifting in the opposite direction. That's not good. That's not good at all especially for me because I HATE holding on to things. More so if it's something that went terribly wrong. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm being held at arm’s length. Was taking to Thandi the other day and the thing that became apparent, is I don't need any more inconsistencies this year. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong and at the end of the day, I'm feeling more and more unlike someone I know which, again, FRUSTRATES ME!

I cried out all I could cry out and now I need to find a way to work through the residual anger that I'm now experiencing because it's not fair. It's not fair at all for me, Layla and everyone else that I'm this emotional MONTHS later. My only problem is that I just don't know how I can work through the anger. I need suggestions on something to do...

I hate feeling like this. I just want to scream!!!!!!

HELP ME! :(