Closing chapters

Saturday, 10 December 2011

17:10 PM

I seriously thought today would be harder than it actually turned out to be. Woke up this morning with my heart pounding out of my chest as if trying to escape and leave me to my own devices for the day. That's literally how scared I was to be doing what I needed to do today.

Went to go return the things of his I had and to collect the cds I had given him. When I arrived there I for real didn't know what to say to him. I guess it was the same on his part because the whole thing was very awkward. Everything about this morning was awkward and I guess I was ok with it. Best thing is I didn't cry. Didn't even have the urge to. I knew this was it basically and the likelihood of us ever seeing each other again was pretty slim. We discussed some stuff about Aiko and other miscellaneous things we had to get out of the way and that was it. When I left I felt a little lighter. I don't know it's almost like that entire visit was the closure I needed from this whole situation and has enabled me to let him go. Once and for all. That's a big step. It's one thing to say I'm letting go but to actually do the action is another and I'm proud of myself for it. I LET A* GO! I guess now that I've hit my rock bottom and I've appreciated my time down here but now it's time to claw myself back up.

I had one of those AHA! Moments when I was in the cab. The end of you fighting for someone you love is the beginning of fighting for your greatest love, yourself. I guess now I have more reason to fight for me and most importantly to fight for my baby girl. She deserves the best and I'll make sure of that come hell, high water or the "end of the world". Mommy will make sure that her baby is happy no matter what life may throw our way. My job is to be strong now. I will live positively and be humble. The Lord has blessed me with so much in my adversity and everyday I will thank him for it.

Great things await me in 2012 and by this time next year, you guys will be reading about the great things I will be doing and will have done. That is my promise to me, Aiko and you. This is not the end of my story. It is just the end of another great/disappointing chapter. There is still so much more left for me. I am not done here. I will not be done here. Life still has so much in store for me…

Let today mark the day when Melissa M. Boguo became a grown woman. Strong in character and in truth.

There's a difference between goodbye and letting go. Goodbye is "I'll see you later when I'm ready to hold your hand and when you're ready to hold mine. Letting go is, "I'll miss your hand. I realise it's not mine to hold and I will never hold it again…"