Anxiety

Thursday, 08 December 2011

18:07 PM

Today was rather hard when I woke up again. I'm really trying to get over the emptiness I feel every morning but it's so hard. So, so hard. But all I can do is try and trying is what I'm not giving up on. I feel like I don't know where Melissa went but I'm looking for her. I will find her because I cannot let myself be defined by what he did to me. I cannot feel like a victim anymore. There is too much good in my life to allow this to finally defeat me. I've been through way too much to remain down. Yes my heart is still filled with sorrow and despair but I will get better.

Too many tears have been shed and slowly with the help of all the people in my life, I'm slowly realising my strength. And it is this strength that my daughter will know. I'm going through my emotions as they come and I feel them completely. i don't let myself try to forget what I'm feeling. If I am to move forward then I owe it to myself to do it.

The big day is getting closer and closer. Today I had a pretty strong Braxton Hicks contraction. Braxton Hicks contractions are the false contractions that a pregnant woman feels indicating that labour is approaching. My body is starting to prepare itself for the upcoming trip to the hospital. The closer the big day gets, the more anxious I feel. I'm not to sure why though. Actually no, I have some idea. Oh well, the wishing helps nothing.

Well this little one growing inside me has become rather feisty lately and I'm not sure whether it's because she's getting excited to finally get out of there or whether she's trying to make more space in there. Either way she's having more fun than me. oooooooohhhhh… there it goes again. Another contraction. Eh will I be prepared when the real ones come?! But I'm excited  either  way and with the overwhelming support I'm receiving right now, I know I'm going to enjoy the experience