The further I get

17 February 2012

15:16 PM

2012 has been quite an experience for me. first with me finally coming to terms with what happened last year with the whole A* drama and somehow managing to move past it(or at least deluding myself enough to believe I am past it). Either way, I think I'm a better person now. Then the time and experiences leading up to giving birth. That was another experience in itself.  then, I guess, being cool with A*(complicated) again. Know how?! Being numb when around him. Sometimes bottling things up, putting them in a state-of-the-art safe and throwing away the key and combination code has helped.

Now I have something new to process from that story. I figured out sometime in december that he had gotten engaged. The day I gave birth, I received an "accidental" message from her (yeah right, blocked her after that) intended at someone else that confirmed just that. The weird thing though about the message is that she saw the ring as more of a promise ring than an engagement ring. Uhm ladies, is it just me or does that seem weird?! Anyway last night when I congratulated him about the birth of his new baby and the engagement, he seemed a bit taken aback by how I could possibly have known. Well, I did know and I've known for a while. I'm just surprised he never mentioned it to me. I shouldn't care right?! Wrong! I care. And it's not because I still have feelings for him. I actually don't know why I do actually. Have no possible explanation for it. Oh well, I really do wish them all the best on their new life together with the baby and all. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, I do.

One thing about being a mother is the ability I have to let things go. Especially things that have nothing to do with me or shouldn't even concern me. I have a beautiful baby girl who my world now revolves around. Someday, someone will be fortunate enough to call me their wife and I hope I will have something so special with them that people will look up to that kind of love. Until that day, the love of my life and I will go crazy because she is the luckiest child on the planet to have a mom like me!