Loneliness

Monday, March 17, 2014

6:30 AM

So here I am lying wide awake in bed and I don't understand why my brain won't just switch back off and send me back to dreamland like my daughter here having sweet dreams. Whhhhhyyyyyy???!!!! *Dramatic screaming at the world in my head* I really just want to be in a state of sweet nothingness but I can't.

So here I am, Hillsong (The Young & Free Album is amazing might I add. Just what I need) playing on my earphones while I write this now. Sometimes my writing gaps are too big. Note to self: Sort that out!

So my reason for being awake right now. I didn't realize how lonely it can be being me sometimes. Yesterday made that apparently too clear for me. As it stands, I feel so very, very awkward around couples but then again, I don't have men falling at my feet and I'm ok with that( made my peace with being who I am a long time ago so that doesn't bother me anymore). I thought I was ok with being on my own until the events of this past weekend changed all that for me.

I won't delve into the events but being a single mother is another level of God strength, I'm slowly starting to become accustomed to but sometimes it's a terribly lonely road. I'm not sure when or if it will change but I just have to hang in there.

One thing I know though, is that this is a moment of weakness. And when I am weak, He is strong. I just got to keep my head up and accept this as part of my moulding. Through all this, God is getting me to a place I need to be. I have to believe that there is a greater plan at work here for my life.

The feelings will come and go but when they do come as they did this morning, I must feel them and write.

Peace and love