PLEDGE

Monday, March 17, 2014

10:35 AM

I got this pledge from a friend of mine a while ago and I just added a few more lines but this is the pledge I made to myself. I feel everyone should make this pledge because it is amazing how the view of yourself can change when you take a few small steps to changing them.

PLEDGE

I, Melissa Boguo, vow to open up my life. I built walls to protect me instead they imprisoned me. Now I bring them down. This is my pledge to say "Yes" to life.

I pledge to be gentle with myself. To love, accept and forgive myself, over and over again, all the days of my life. Akin to the beautiful flower which grows out of mud, I vow to seek the gems in "bad" experiences and thus free myself of regrets.

The allure of perfection shall not intimidate me or hinder my growth since I vow to love myself with the same intensity through hits and misses.

I vow to stop entertaining these 2 questions:

1. What is wrong with me?
2. Who is going to save me?

They lead me away from the truth. There is nothing wrong with me. There never was and never shall be. Consequently, I do not require a savior. Henceforth, I promise to make choice that are reflective of this truth.

I vow to trust myself; to value my personal truth over the truth of others. I know better what is best for me. I pledge to appreciate my personal experience, valuing its lessons above the expectations and prescriptions of others.

I vow to give my feelings and intuition the same credence I give my intellect. To honour the inherent validity of ALL my feelings. I give myself permission to base my decisions solely on how I feel.

With courage, I vow to feel ALL my feelings, not to block, minimize or attempt to hang on to those that have dissipated.

This promise I make to myself; to act courageously in expressing my truth, to myself and others.

I vow to accept my needs, wants, dreams and desires without judgment, whether I choose to pursue their fulfillment or not.

I vow to remain loyal to myself all the days of my life. To never choose the love, acceptance or approval of another over my own. I promise to never abandon or demote my relationship with myself for any other role.

I vow to recognize as a liar, any voice, internal or external, that tells me I am inferior or superior to another.

I vow to never ask another for that which I am not giving myself. I take responsibility for meeting my own needs, even as I enlist the support and help of others and learn to achieve a balance between independence and interdependence.

I vow to heal my relationship with my body. To remember that my body is much more than a set of measurements. It is a vital conduit for my physical experience, a guardian and a teacher. I vow to love and nurture my body; to befriend, honour  and respect it and listen to its wisdom all the days of my life.

I intend to remember that I am a creative being, who imagines her reality into being and behave accordingly, giving my powers of co-creation the respect that they deserve. I will nurture and regularly express my creative impulses.

I promise to embrace and celebrate my femininity. To be curious about it's gifts. To explore feminine gentleness, creativity and intuition. To love my woman body, it's softness, curves and receptivity.

I vow to give the true God the glory at all times through all I say and do. Knowing that it is only because He is that I am. Through good times, bad times, and stagnant times, I promise to always look to him. I  will appreciate all the beauty He has surrounded me with, be it in myself or the world around me.

I vow to strive to love wholeheartedly despite what anyone may do to me. I promise to eliminate all negative thoughts, habits that hinder my progress or happiness. No one is responsible for achieving my goals but me.

I vow to work towards true enlightenment revoking anything that promotes ignorance in me or others.

ALL IN ALL, I MELISSA, Pledge to value myself, respecting my body, needs, desire and honouring my body, mind, emotions and spirit.

I WILL live my best life.

This is it

This is my life

Nothing to wait for,

Nowhere else to go

No one  to make it all different

THIS IS IT!

Loneliness

Monday, March 17, 2014

6:30 AM

So here I am lying wide awake in bed and I don't understand why my brain won't just switch back off and send me back to dreamland like my daughter here having sweet dreams. Whhhhhyyyyyy???!!!! *Dramatic screaming at the world in my head* I really just want to be in a state of sweet nothingness but I can't.

So here I am, Hillsong (The Young & Free Album is amazing might I add. Just what I need) playing on my earphones while I write this now. Sometimes my writing gaps are too big. Note to self: Sort that out!

So my reason for being awake right now. I didn't realize how lonely it can be being me sometimes. Yesterday made that apparently too clear for me. As it stands, I feel so very, very awkward around couples but then again, I don't have men falling at my feet and I'm ok with that( made my peace with being who I am a long time ago so that doesn't bother me anymore). I thought I was ok with being on my own until the events of this past weekend changed all that for me.

I won't delve into the events but being a single mother is another level of God strength, I'm slowly starting to become accustomed to but sometimes it's a terribly lonely road. I'm not sure when or if it will change but I just have to hang in there.

One thing I know though, is that this is a moment of weakness. And when I am weak, He is strong. I just got to keep my head up and accept this as part of my moulding. Through all this, God is getting me to a place I need to be. I have to believe that there is a greater plan at work here for my life.

The feelings will come and go but when they do come as they did this morning, I must feel them and write.

Peace and love